Every year my male clients will ask me for advice about what they should give, or more often, tell me what they got their wives for Christmas. Most often, their wives are my clients too and I usually respond to the “I got her a new vacuum! It’s AWESOME! It picks up dog hair!” with “Oooooh. You like sleeping on the futon in the basement.” I promptly give them some ideas that will at the least save their backs and at best, save their marriage. None of which include tools, even if they’re pink, or shelving for the garage.
A co-worker earlier this year, asked me what I had planned for Valentine's Day. “It's Saturday, isn't it?” This surprised her for two reasons. The first, she figured that since I'm married to my split apart and we seem to enjoy each other so much, that I would have HUGE plans for this opportunity to declare our undying devotion. And two, she was certain I would have some mammoth surprise planned because, well, she just expected me to turn it into an event. My response of course, was, “Saturday is my long day. I'll be here.”
In fact, I work till around 9:00 p.m. or so, and Mr. Scribbler had a special dinner planned. He cooked. I like it when he cooks for me because I know how I feel when people enjoy my cooking so I naturally assume he will enjoy it when I slobber all over myself over whatever it is he decides to make. I don't know that he feels that way. I just assume he does. I do know that he takes great pleasure in doing little things for me.
Last year several people asked me what Mr. Scribbler got me for Christmas. I would mention a few things but the gifts he gave me that gave me the most joy and satisfaction surprised people. One was a bag of M&M's. A BIG bag of M&M's. Now, I know it doesn't sound like much. But it is. I love M&M's. They're little, cute, fun to play with, chocolate, and they don't last long enough to melt in my hands. They also work very nicely with my collection of M&M dispensers. AND I got the M&M's race car AND the airplane. You spin the propeller and the treats come out!
The reason this bag of candy made me so happy is simple. There are many other things Mr. Scribbler would like to spend his money on. He wants to buy me a new wedding set. He doesn't like the one I have. He would love to buy me a new outfit and probably would every week if he thought he could get away with it. And gadgets. I love electronic toys. Cunning Cameras, pretty pda's, fancy phones, magical music makers, and savvy computers with all manner of bells and whistles absolutely thrill me. And to be sure, I appreciate his enthusiasm for making sure I have enough toys to keep me entertained.
But what I treasure most is the fact that he KNOWS what I enjoy. And I don't mean I give him a list. He knows because he knows ME. He talks to me. He listens. He takes an interest in things that interest me. The result is, I have a hard time participating in post holiday discussions with friends about the mountains of blenders (which of course I would love), the gardening tools (I’d like that too), and the bajillion other gifts men tend to give their wives that earn them a camp out in the basement.
One of my clients came it today. Her husband, who is my age, passed away on Monday. They have two children, both still at home. The thought occurred to me, and in response to something she said, I mentioned that it sure brings home the importance of appreciating and living in the now; Being grateful for today; and all those blenders and vacuums and gardening tools. Maybe even a bit regretful for the basement camp outs.
I think I’ll go hug my split apart.
Maybe you should go hug yours.
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